Top 10 Batman Villains that don’t need an action figure

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In my time as Gotham City’s top citizen, I’ve had plenty of experience reading about Batman’s battles with the more superstitious and cowardly among us. It appears that this blog spends it’s Friday’s talking about the Most Requested Figures, but what about least requested? I’ve asked my childhood friend that I’ve never mentioned previously, Ebonhorn, to come and showcase ten Batman villains that no one is asking for…


Black Spider – Hey it’s spiderman! Wait, it’s not spiderman!? It’s the Black Spider? THAT CAN’T BE REAL!!! Well, looks like it is. His origin is even better: an addict turned vigilante that’s funded by drug dealer to kill the competition. Screams winner, huh, folks?
Penny Plunderer – A villian whose sole life goal is to steal pennies. Well, they all can’t be the Joker, now can they?
Calendar Man – A villian with a calendar theme, need I say more? Oh, and we aren’t talking about the guy in Long Halloween. No, this is the one who wore a calendar on his suit and did crimes so boring, that the Killer Moth recruited him. When Killer Moth comes knocking, you really should just be a fry cook at a Gotham Diner
Cluemaster – He is here simply because of his classic costume. The only clue he doesn’t have concerns fashion. Look at all those modules. He should have been test tube guy or Gelcap King
Calculator – He created hard light clones of himself and had them fight the JLA to learn their strengths. Excellent idea, my good man. He then used that information to make himself invincible. Perfect! The only problem was that he forgot there there’s more heroes than the JLA. So close to a winner though.
Johnny Witts – The smartest crime boss in Gotham. Always a step ahead of the Batman. But give the Riddler 12 hours and a cool new suit and he could bring this guy down at least five times. God, I love the Riddler.
Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee – Essentially walking talking beachballs. These two are so lazy they let their henchmen do everything. Even fight Batman. It has nothing to do with them being beachballs with feet.
Orca – Killer Whales are scary and dangerous. A marine biologist who gains the ability to transform into a walking killer whale and turns to crime is ,well, stupid.
Humpty Dumpty – What a criminal here folks. He likes to fix broken things. Well, what he considers broken things. He’s like the Blob’s boring cousin. He fixed a clock that then broke and killed some people. He was apprehend by Batgirl, who ended up with two separated shoulders. He fixed them of course. THEN HE TURNED HIMSELF IN!!! Better yet, she caught him because he had overdue books. Oh, and did I mention he dissected his abusive grandmother and then sowerd her back up?
Kiteman – Kite Man? ’nuff said

19 thoughts on “Top 10 Batman Villains that don’t need an action figure”

  1. Bruce, Seriously? You know I didn’t write that! Is this some of the integrity and objectivity you were talking about? Furthermore, I haven’t gone by “Ebonhorn” since I was seven.

  3. LOL. So Batman made good on his threat, I take it??

    You run the strangest site sometimes.

    And you’re right I hope none of those get figures. But someone out there loves each of them most.

  6. I like Humpty Dumpty… Don’t know if he needs a figure, though.
    Bruce, just out of curiosity, why would you be insulted by Batman-related comments?… Is there some connection between the two of you?…

  7. Ahhhh, I needed to read something like this. It really takes the edge off of a long long week.

    Sometimes after reading about villians like this I think I can get a job writing comics.

  8. His previously unrevealed childhood friend? Uh oh…

    Decent lowdowns on the villains, but I still sorta want Black spider.

    1. precisely… how many characters can say “i have spider-man as a low profile filler foil for when i’m not doing something important?”

  10. I don’t want any more Batman villains at all.

    Okay, Poison Ivy, but after her, I don’t really care.

  13. And just watch them make a Calculator figure in Wave 14. “BUT GUYEEZZ HE RAWKZ” – dork neitlich

  15. I’m with you on Bruce Wayne. He deserves to be made into an action figure.
    AND… to go with Bruce… I would like to see a very attractive Vicki Vale added.

    They’ve got “friends”. Commissioner Gordon, Alfred, Clark Kent, Lois Lane, Perry White, and Jimmy Olsen…who are there (or should be) to interact with them.

    Sure, there’s all those social commitments that he has… and he should be at those social events that the villains attend to rob….
    and he has to drive the “Brats” car to the social events….
    …he should be there to talk with Alfred, … share stories with his friend Commissioner Gordon… or go to see Clark in Metropolis….on World’s Finest business.

    Come on, …Clark is a “necessary civilian” in this line.

    As for those villains mentioned above… yea, don’t make them. Save the plastic for our heroes or …”necessary civilians”.!! Oh, yea!!

  16. Oppps. I meant “Bruce” is a “necessary civilian”. We KNOW Clark is… and Clark needs his friend Bruce Wayne. (while I need an “edit” button.)

    But, I’m serious about this. A playboy Bruce Wayne action figure in the DCUC line is “essential” …as are the rest of the “civilians”: Alfred, Commissioner Gordon, Vicki Vale, Clark Kent, Lois Lane, Perry White, and little Jimmy Olsen.

  18. You might add The Terrible Trio to that list, too!!

    But I would like to see Poison Ivy and a “jump-suit” Riddler kinda soon.

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